So, I will just let you know now that I happen to be President of my children's school PTA at this time. I had never intended to join the PTA and actually veered away from their volunteer sign-up tables. I was totally content to just help in my kids classes. 2yrs ago I was no longer able to dodge the PTA. I would like to tell you all that I was tricked into joining or that perhaps I really wanted to help in some way and joined for a good reason. I would be lying. I joined the PTA to see if they, all the moms, were a bunch of bitches like I'd heard they (all PTA moms everywhere) were. I joined for the wrong reason but I decided that I was going to do my best in my new position.

So, myself and 3 other newbies were recruited to be on the following year's "board". I was a Co-Vice President with another friend that I recruited (actually, I tricked her a little) to be my buddy. ( wanted an ally on the board. We vowed to get through the year together. There was still one board member who was on the board from the previous year and she looked at us like there was an inside joke to our enthusiasm for making great strides during our future "rule." We all thought it a bit daunting but were all very excited to see what we could do for the school.

Before I go any further I want to give names to the ladies I've worked with but they will be aliases. For the 2007/2008 school year the following ladies were the board:

• Bree - President
• Lynette - ME -
• Susan - my Co-VP
• Gabrielle - Treasurer
• Edie - Secretary

If you don't realize already, I love desperate housewives. The character are in no way any reflection on the personalities of my board partners . Anywho...

Bree is not only our fearless President, she is an attorney. I owned my own national legal staffing business and worked from home. Susan worked part-time at another school. Gabrielle was in PR and Edie actually is a Realtor - but this Edie is happily married!

Now that you have everyone's basic history I can get back to my story.

While we were voted into our new positions by the "old" board, we really had no idea what our "jobs" were and what they consisted of. None of us newbies had any idea how much time the PTA would take out of lives nor did we think that it would be too complex. We just put together some PTA Fun Nights, did some fundraising for some of the schools programs and had meetings. None of us had a clue...

Bree, Gabrielle and I took our first foray into the world of the PTA by going to a conference prior to our "terms" starting (April 2007). The convention is where you go to like an Embassy Suites and go from conference room to conference room learning about topics such as "PTA and the Law" and "Money Matters." We found all of it fascinating and a bit daunting. During breaks we went into a huge conference room where we were given bags of goodies, information on fundraising ideas, playground equipment dealers, reading programs, etc. In this room our goal was to get as much stuff as we could...even going so far as to make second trips to get multiple items of each really cool thing. Gabrielle and I were pumped because one of the goodie bags had some Harry Potter Journals and some other cool stuff that we knew our daughter's would love. Over lunch, Gabrielle mentioned this to Bree. To our utter dismay, Bree told us that she believed that none of these goodies were ours to keep. Since our fees were paid for by the PTA and we were here to represent our PTA it was our duty to bring all materials received to be used for door prizes, giveaways, etc. Gabrielle was crushed and I was a bit disappointed myself. Actually, Gabrielle was pretty irritated because she didn't get why we couldn't keep the items...it didn't make sense to her, or I for that matter. Bree said she would ask the trainer in our next class "Money Matters" who the goodies belonged too.

In Class, Bree raised her hand during the proper section and asked who the goodies belonged to. The trainer smiled and said, "they belong to the PTA." I will tell you now that 95% of the people in that audience hated Bree at that moment. It never occurred to most of us that this stuff wasn't ours to keep. In fact, now that it was made clear to us who it belonged to we would be stealing from the PTA if we kept it. Needless to say, there were a lot of disappointed ladies in that room...a few disappointed men as well.

(to be continued...)

Top 5 reasons Men don't listen to Women!

1. Because you talk too much. Plain and simple! Women talk too much. If we quit talking to them every second of every day they'd focus more when we spoke to them.

2. Not enough Sex. If women told men the following: "I will give you a blow job if you take out the trash, clean the bathroom and vacuum." I guarantee you that the house would be clean and your guy would be very happy - so would you, because he listened to you and you didn't have to clean! I bet you that he would even do a good job at cleaning if approached in this manner.

3. Nagging. I can't tell you how many times I've asked my hubby to shut the cabinet doors in the kitchen after opening them. I've banged my head, hips and knees into them for years and have gotten so mad at times that I would shriek at him. I've learned, over the years, to just watch out for those pesky doors & drawers and shut them myself...he's never going to learn and he has stopped listening to me about this "issue" for several years now anyway...in one ear and out the other. I'm not sure he even knows how to shut a door or drawer to be honest with you. It's like, once they are opened they become invisible.

4. The Computer. Unless you have something more interesting to say than what they are looking at on the computer - good luck!

5. They don't have to. Men pretend not to listen to us all the time. They pretend that they didn't understand something we've said so they aren't held accountable for doing what we've asked of them. They have trained us into thinking that they are either dumb or just inconsiderate. Most women don't even think that men are smart enough to play them. Smarten up ladies and consider this the truth. Men are smarter than we think we just trick ourselves into thinking that we are omnipotent.

1. Cause they can! Most women don't call other women on their bitchiness. Because women know this fact they instead bitch to all their friends about the other person in a passive aggressive manner. This just makes their bitterness towards one another escalate.

2. Because of a Man! Women, even the most secure woman, can get easily jealous if another woman pays too much attention to her Man. Even if that woman has no untoward feelings toward that man, just by paying attention to him you could be blasted either directly or indirectly (as is most cases) by that insecure lady.

3. She is wearing an outfit that you don't think is appropriate for her age or size. This is one of the most common situations I encounter. I, myself, have been known to critique the oddly dressed female or the skanky looking woman in too tight or too youthful clothing. I'll admit it. Most of the time women won't go up to one of these "offenders of style" and tell them constructively that they might want to tuck in their muffin top or that their camel toe is showing during the kid's soccer game. Instead, we make sure our other lady friends see what we see and then talk about it.

4. Misunderstandings. Women too often will rip their best friends apart to other friends because of simple misunderstandings. Perhaps it breeds from insecurity and feelings being hurt. Women are complex creatures.

5. Cause she deserves it. Every so often I find a woman who honestly is such a bitch that she really does deserve whatever smack comes her way. Some women are so mean and spiteful (for whatever reason - founded or unfounded) that they can't keep other women as friends. Maybe it's a mixture of the other 4 reasons listed here or perhaps she's just a bitch - Plain and simple. You can't help talking about a bitchy woman like this. These women are usually psycho so other women are forced to talk behind her back instead of confronting them head on...you DON'T want to get into a fight with a woman like this - she is the type to get physical and pull out your extensions, etc.

1. They can only focus on one detail at a time. As a "mom" you have to juggle a gazillion things like your family schedule; multiple kids' schedules, work, household stuff, birthdays, etc. If a man were pregnant they would only be able to focus on being pregnant...they wouldn't be able to work, clean, or anything else that women can do.

2. Ouch...which hole would babies come out of? Either way, could you imagine a man trying to give birth? It does make me sort of happy to picture though...sorry fellas

3. Pitty parties. Men like to think that they are super strong and very powerful but I guarantee you that if they experienced what women experience men would be crying all day and night, would watch Lifetime and Oxygen and become basket cases. Any emotional would be put to shame by a pregnant male.

4. The Gas. I mean really, they already have the market on farting...could you imagine how much worse they'd smell if they had more gas caused by pregnancy.

5. Eating. Could you imagine how much food it would take to feed a pregnant male and their cravings? Families would go bankrupt!

1. If you're okay with your guy looking at porn then he knows that you are accepting of him which makes it not seem dirty. He won't hide from you next time he is watching a video on the internet.

2. If She likes porn then you (guys) are a very happy camper because you know that she is open sexually and more willing to experiment and be vocal about her wants and likes.

3. Sometimes it helps you get "in the mood." Kind of like a voyeur, if you see someone else having sex you start feeling frisky yourself.

4. Porn is fun to laugh at sometimes. The acting is awful and unrealistic so you can be watching it together laughing... While you were using it to get in the mood, this is still a great and fun way to bond.

5. If one of you has a headache (ladies, you know who I'm talking to) you can tell your partner to go watch some porn. This is a happy resolution to the headache issue.

Isn't this the question that all couples have had at least one discussion about?

When Mr. Robinson and I first starting dating I can't tell you how many times, in the middle of the night, I fell into the toilet. Was this his fault or my own? I have never once believed that it was his responsibility to put the seat down as a courtesy to me nor do I believe that I should put the seat up as a courtesy to him. For 12yrs we have lived in toilet seat harmony because I have never made an issue out of the "up or down" debate. I can see where all the ladies out there feel justified in requiring all the men in their lives (sons are included here) to put the seat down since we (ladies) never use the toilet standing up - if you do then you need some additional help!

Here's the thing: Is this really his responsibility? Don't you think that it is your responsibility to watch where you sit before plopping down? If you have a dog, and know that they poop on the grass out back, aren't you careful where you step when venturing in their territory? You bet! It would be your own fault if you stepped in doody because you weren't watching where you were walking. The same is true in this instance.

Also, your guy(s) has to lift the seat every time he pees (hopefully). I bet that he never complains about having to do this...he just does it!

I implore all the ladies out there to pee responsibly and pick your battles... Who knows, if you are still trying to get your guy to put the toilet paper roll on the dispenser maybe you can take all the energy from the toilet seat battle and apply it to a different "issue" that you have a chance at winning.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

Mrs. Robinson

Have you ever been in a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse or even friend and said something mean and hurtful that you wish you could take back? Has anyone ever done this to you?

I can tell you, from experience, that fighting fair is essential with any relationship you have whether platonic or romantic.

Unfair:
1. Calling her a "bitch", "crazy bitch", calling him "stupid", an "asshole", etc...
2. Belittling them, i.e., making fun of or criticizing something about their personality or something physical such as the size of particular body parts...
3. Leaving in a huff, slamming the door and driving off while not answering your cell to tell where you are going

Fair:
1. Saying that they are acting crazy but not calling them crazy
2. Don't raise your voice...work hard to do this. If you want to maintain your relationship then please try not to "pick" at one another.
3. Tell the person you're arguing with that you need to step out of the room for a minute to calm down but that you'll be back shortly - this give you both time to think and breathe.

Also, a big key is to NOT bring up something you are irritated about when the person you are irritated with is in a bad mood or when you are in a mood. Try and bring it up when you are both calm and in a good mood. When one of you is in a bad mood what could have been a good, relationship strengthening conversation is now a full out fight.

If you are upset by something the other person said to you then start off in the following way:
*I'm sure you didn't realize it because I know how much you care about me but, when you said BLANK, it hurt my feelings.

If you come across in this manner you will have a much better chance at resolving the issue as well as building better communication skills with this person. Of course, you cannot expect this to work for every situation as some people are just not good at communication however you try and approach them. Our advice to you with someone like this is to drop em. Why do you want someone in your life who doesn't care enough about you to listen thoughtfully and try to better your relationship!

My latest rant has to do with a male friend of ours who is separated from his wife. He's been separated for some time now and recently (2 months ago) found a girl friend who is divorced with two kids - actually, she is someone we already knew a little. Lets call them Ken and Barbie. Barbie is highly insecure while thinking she isn't and Ken is very secure himself, or so he thinks. I will say that Ken does, generally, have good judgement and is a solid guy but Barbie - is a mess. Messy divorce, messed up kids - basically, Ken walked into a big mess. His inclinination is to help fix and work on the mess but it is changing his personality to one of aggressiveness. He sees what this relationship is doing to his personality but it's like he is co-dependent or something. Ken has wanted a family (meaning kids) for a very long time and my husband and I feel that this is what keeps him around. While he says that he really cares for Barbie the relationship is only getting worse. He did tell her that she needs to get counselling (per our advice) for herself and she agreed that she needs to yet he isn't making sure that she is following through.

Last night my kids and I went over to "their" place. Yup, he's living with her already - not a good move but let's continue. Anyway, things are going well conversationally with the three adults and then, out of nowhere, Barbie starts picking at Ken. Ken, of course (in his more aggressive state) feeds into her and snaps back. I'm still sitting there watching this back and forth ping pong of bitchiness between them while our kids are in the next room hopefully not hearing anything. So, Barbie gets up, says "it was good to see you again" to me and then walks to the door, grabs her coat and leaves. Ken is pissed by this. I talk Ken down a bit and then he heads outside for a smoke to relieve the tension. He tries calling Barbie to see where she went and when she's coming back. Of course she doesn't answer. Then, Barbie's daughter comes out and asks where her mom is and because Ken is so upset he snaps at her and says, "I don't know, why don't you call her and find out." The daughter picks up the phone and gets Barbie's voicemail as well and looks at me for help. The girl has been through the wringer with her parents and you can tell that she knows that her mom up and left and is now worried about when she'll be home.

Anywho...I hug the girl, tell her that everything will be allright and that her mom just went out to run an errand and would be back soon. I take my kids and we head out...now my kids are wondering why the little girl is upset. Good times!

So, I call Ken later that night telling him to call me. Instead, he texts me and says that Barbie was jealous of our history and he'll call me tomorrow.

Does anyone else see a problem with this? My Husband and I have been friends with Ken for over 7yrs and Barbie knew this going in. Ken has told her that we are his best friends and nothing more. I have told her that Ken is like a brother to me - more than once - yet she still is insecure. We have made it crystal clear that we have a very secure marriage, etc., etc.,

Bottom line: I told Ken that he needs to leave. This is an unhealthy relationship and if after only 2 months this is the kind of stuff that is going on during what is generally the "honeymoon" phase of their relationship then imagine how bad it will be 2 more months from now when the real shit hits the fan and he is so ensconsed in their lives it will be even harder to leave. I know that Ken is lonely and wants a family but really, this is not the right family to join.

YUP!

Here's the big key to our relationship...we are ridiculously honest with one another. I told him how many men I've been with (6) and he told me that he couldn't even begin to count how many women he'd been with.

Why do people insist on keeping this a secret? We believe that some people are embarassed by either their too high or too low numbers and are worried about judgement from their partner. Others think that this really is a private thing and think it is a taboo subject to discuss. Why not just tell? Honestly, don't you think that telling something like this brings you closer together with the right person. You will find out right away if you are with a jealous, control freak by their response. Do you want to be with someone like this long term or would you rather spend your life with someone you can tell your deepest thought and secrets to? I want to be with someone who I can be totally honest with. Why would I want to spend my life with someone who I have to keep secrets from or tell half-truths to? I think that keeping these kinds of secrets can be a reason for matrimonial dischord years down the line.

Why do people get jealous of the men or women in their partners lives prior to even knowing them? It is your partners insecurity at the heart of this matter. If your partner is jealous he/she is worried that he might not live up to your best lover. I know that my hubby has been with some psychos who have been great in the sack...this is a fact. Am I raunchy like them...no, but do I get the job done...yup, and I offer an entire package. People need to stop comparing themselves to past partners. The only time to worry about this is if your partner is the one comparing you to their past loves...this needs to stop...if it doesn't then you need to look elsewhere or they will drive your insecurities throught the roof and of no real interest to them anymore anyway. **Quick Story*** This has happened more than once but here is my favorite story Mr. Robinson and I running into someone he previously banged: We were on vacation in California, just the two of us, about 10yrs ago. We went to Universal Studios and one of the tour areas had those lines where they go have you walk through a 'line maze' until you get to the end and enter the tour. Well, every time we came to the middle of each line segment my Mr. Robinson thought that the Woman one line over looked familiar. He mentioned that she looked familiar and I asked, in a fun way, if she was someone that he'd been with before. All of a sudden recognition entered his face, he smiled and proceeded to tell me about how they met. He was 21, in Reno with his mom and grandma (of course) and saw her enter her room directly across from him. He thought she was cute and decided to hit on her. Next time he saw her he asked if she had a phone book in her room as his was missing...this started their dialogue and basically he was "with" her for a couple of days. Back in line you could tell that she recognized him too but she was with a guy and it didn't look like she was telling him the story Mr. Robinson had just told me. We had a great laugh about the whole thing and had a fun tour.

Most couples don't seem to really talk about things like this and if they do it doesn't end with a fun tour. Our advice to you is to open up, share this part of yourself and be open to your partners history. Again, this is "history" not present. Remember, they are with you now so make the most of it!

Mrs. Robinson